Why He’s Hot
- This smooth mother fucker right here is the Earth. You know he’s hot! One big reason why is that he’s just 91 million fucking miles away from that bad-ass sun. I know, this post is getting you all hot too, huh?
- Average temperatures of this hot piece of rock have climbed 1.4 degrees Fahrenheit (0.8 degree Celsius) around the world since 1880, much of this in recent decades, according to NASA’s Goddard Institute for Space Studies.
- The rate of how fucking hot he is, is increasing. The 20th century’s last two kick-ass decades were the hottest in 400 years and possibly the warmest for several millennia, according to a number of climate studies. And the Mother Fucking United Nations’ Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) reports that 11 of the past 12 years are among the dozen warmest since 1850. Fuck yeah, the Earth is hot!
- Even the chill-lax arctic is fucking hot! Arctic ice is rapidly disappearing, and the region may have its first completely ice-free summer by 2040 or earlier. Those hot ass polar bears and indigenous cultures are already suffering from the sea-ice loss. Glaciers and mountain snows are rapidly melting—for example, Montana’s Glacier National Park now has only 27 glaciers (27 of the hottest fucking glaciers around I might add), versus 150 in 1910. In the Northern Hemisphere, thaws also come a week earlier in spring and freezes begin a week later.
- Even Canada is hot! Average temperatures in MILF-tastic Alaska, western Canada, and eastern Russia (Alaskan MILFs can see Russia melting from their house) have risen at twice the global average, according to the multinational Arctic Climate Impact Assessment report compiled between 2000 and 2004.
Happy Earth Day!